Some days, as I leave the library with a new stack of books clutched to my chest, I can’t help but feel like the character of a middle aged man, having just left a brothel. His unfettered joy bubbling up inside as he walks the street, passers-by oblivious to his previous actions or his private elation. Elation achieved, no less, from the women working the brothel, women whose services are tied to the concepts and images they represent, not to their authentic selves or personal substance.
It may be a bit shameful, but that is often the thought that flashes through my mind as I walk briskly from the library doors, books clutched to chest, private elation bubbling up inside. All the while thinking excitedly to myself: These compilations of text, all mine (for three whole weeks), I can smother myself in them, smell that print and paper smell, dive into them, embrace them, get completely lost in them.
It is a fabulous moment, a private gleeful sensation experienced right there in the open. Somehow that makes it feel all that much more decadent, like in borrowing books I am getting away with something devilishly sumptuous.
It’s a funny scene, one that always makes me chuckle a little. And the most peculiar detail of all is, of course, the fact that I, like the character of the middle aged man, am often not all that attached to what the specific content of my newly acquired book pile is. More often than not, that decadent gleeful sensation comes just from clutching the books to my chest and reveling in all that the experience holds. It amazes me: that people produced these books, that my library has them, that I can put them on hold from the comfort of my own living room couch, that I can borrow them for free (for free!), that I am allowed to leaf through these pages, staring at all the words that someone felt compelled to muster, and then to share. In its minutia I find it a wondrous experience.
I love my library, my own private word brothel. I am sad, at times, knowing that for whatever reason in this phase in my life I am not entirely committed to the content of the books that I checkout. For awhile I thought this might be problematic, something to examine or try and change. But I’m over that now, if books can bring me delight just by virtue of their very existence, and the library gives me unlimited access to this delight, then who am I to argue?
So thank you my dear, sweet, lovely library (and all you fabulous librarians who ensure its ongoing existence and smooth functioning), thank you for all the joy you bring, and for all the words you hold, care for, and ever so graciously share with me.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Grow up
This article is fantastic. It's not new, but it just got passed along to me. I enjoyed it, and I hope you do to.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Big Dream Little Dream
I was taught to dream big. Not so much taught as modelled I suppose, modelled and encouraged, but all the same, the dream big perspective took root in me. I do believe that in a great many ways this is a good thing, among other things it gave me a lot of hope and insight into a world of possibilities for my own future, and for the world’s future. But in some ways I think it was also a little smidge of a hindrance.
You see, sometimes when you dream big the task/goal/dream itself can seem so big and so far flung that it feels exactly like what it is, a dream. Something rooted in the imaginary. Sure, it may well be possible, but if a big dream is so, well, dreamy, it may feel rooted in something other than the reality of who and what I (or anyone) is. This is not to say that such a dream cannot be achieved, simply that such a dream runs the risk of teetering over the edge of motivating vision, and falling into the abyss of fantastical fantasies to visit in a moment of escapist glee.
So these days I am trying something radical; I am practicing dreaming small. I am trying to let go of the grand notions of what my life could look like, and start looking at what it is, and what my dreams are for my life in the now. What do I want for my life when I let go of all my values about success, my perceptions of expectations, my desire to fulfill most all possibilities, and the big dream future. What does my life look like when I think no one is watching, and no one cares (myself included) about how big I make it?
I hear that some people live like this by default, some people have no trouble at all living their lives, going about their business, likely not thinking big or small, not really thinking at all. And for them, learning to dream big would probably be of the utmost value. But I was never one of those people, I’ve always been the thinker, the planner, the plan B-er, the steps-to-success person. And now, now I’m wondering what happens if I think less, dream within my daily reality, and settle in to my present tense a little more. Might such a shift in perspective lead to a happier or more peaceful life?
So I am giving it a go. I am trying to shake the big dream and try something different for myself. I’m challenging myself to let go of my “big” and see what happens when I embrace the historically-ignored “small.” (I suppose I could argue that in some ways I’m trying to dream even bigger here, by pushing myself to dream smaller, to think in a way that is not natural for me, but I’m afraid if I walk myself down that route I may just wander innocently, and obliviously, into a catch-22, never to be seen again...)
And so, with that, I am learning to dream small, to think small, to start thinking about the little things I want for my life, to wrap my head around the idea of being ordinary, doing nothing extraordinary with my life at all. To live as if there were no expectations or boundaries for me, to toss my constructs overboard, and to see what comes of this risky-feeling action. It is an interesting experience, and I am starting to feel that it may well end up creating more room for the extraordinary. As if, by letting go of my expectations, big dreams, and random goals I am leaving space to act, to try new things, and to create the extraordinary out of my ordinary. By not filling all the voids of myself with big fluffy socially- or personally-appropriate dreams, I am creating the necessary space to play with what my life has to offer.
It may or may not work, but hey, I’m branching out. I am trying to be quietly bold, to explore a different way of life. I figure that life, in its own short way, is long (if things go accordingly), so we might as well explore what it has to offer, what I have to offer, while we carry on along the journey.
You see, sometimes when you dream big the task/goal/dream itself can seem so big and so far flung that it feels exactly like what it is, a dream. Something rooted in the imaginary. Sure, it may well be possible, but if a big dream is so, well, dreamy, it may feel rooted in something other than the reality of who and what I (or anyone) is. This is not to say that such a dream cannot be achieved, simply that such a dream runs the risk of teetering over the edge of motivating vision, and falling into the abyss of fantastical fantasies to visit in a moment of escapist glee.
So these days I am trying something radical; I am practicing dreaming small. I am trying to let go of the grand notions of what my life could look like, and start looking at what it is, and what my dreams are for my life in the now. What do I want for my life when I let go of all my values about success, my perceptions of expectations, my desire to fulfill most all possibilities, and the big dream future. What does my life look like when I think no one is watching, and no one cares (myself included) about how big I make it?
I hear that some people live like this by default, some people have no trouble at all living their lives, going about their business, likely not thinking big or small, not really thinking at all. And for them, learning to dream big would probably be of the utmost value. But I was never one of those people, I’ve always been the thinker, the planner, the plan B-er, the steps-to-success person. And now, now I’m wondering what happens if I think less, dream within my daily reality, and settle in to my present tense a little more. Might such a shift in perspective lead to a happier or more peaceful life?
So I am giving it a go. I am trying to shake the big dream and try something different for myself. I’m challenging myself to let go of my “big” and see what happens when I embrace the historically-ignored “small.” (I suppose I could argue that in some ways I’m trying to dream even bigger here, by pushing myself to dream smaller, to think in a way that is not natural for me, but I’m afraid if I walk myself down that route I may just wander innocently, and obliviously, into a catch-22, never to be seen again...)
And so, with that, I am learning to dream small, to think small, to start thinking about the little things I want for my life, to wrap my head around the idea of being ordinary, doing nothing extraordinary with my life at all. To live as if there were no expectations or boundaries for me, to toss my constructs overboard, and to see what comes of this risky-feeling action. It is an interesting experience, and I am starting to feel that it may well end up creating more room for the extraordinary. As if, by letting go of my expectations, big dreams, and random goals I am leaving space to act, to try new things, and to create the extraordinary out of my ordinary. By not filling all the voids of myself with big fluffy socially- or personally-appropriate dreams, I am creating the necessary space to play with what my life has to offer.
It may or may not work, but hey, I’m branching out. I am trying to be quietly bold, to explore a different way of life. I figure that life, in its own short way, is long (if things go accordingly), so we might as well explore what it has to offer, what I have to offer, while we carry on along the journey.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Bring Back Home Economics
Bring it back, make it a required course in the public education system. I know, I know, how can I campaign to bring this particular course back when so many other equally important classes are being cut—music, sports, etc. They are indeed all of significant value; they are all critical to human development, and removing them is arguably an atrocity and an affront to our human growth potential. However, this little rant cannot be about the importance of every class deemed “non-essential,” that would result in a tome or two. So to keep things in check, and at a readable length, this little rant is all about the importance of Home Ec.
Looking around at the current state of North American culture, it strikes me as abundantly obvious that as a society we are lacking some basic skills in personal life management. In fact, it seems so abundantly obvious that I almost feel like it is redundant to make the case here. However, clearly it is not as obvious to everyone as it is to me, because if it was then this rant would never have arisen in the first place, and sharing it would be entirely unnecessary.
As I scan the surface of North American culture I see a society that is running up huge amounts of personal debt and walking full speed ahead towards a life determined by obesity and its associated health considerations. Basic skills like budgeting, saving, accounting, personal nutrition, and simple cooking seem clearly lacking from dominant culture. All these skills seem to me to be paramount to success—not necessarily to a successful career, but to success in life, to staying afloat, staying alive, and staying healthy. All of these basic skills that they don’t teach you in elementary math, science, or English class, that are pivotal to a successful community and successful country seem to be MIA.
Hence, bring back home economics classes. We have a problem, and we have a decent solution—a curriculum that teaches these skills to the majority of the population at a time in their lives when they can easily be learned and gradually implemented as age appropriate—so why are we busy cutting this sort of education only to spend more money on obesity related health care and other preventable costs? I just do not understand, and I know that I am not alone in this confusion.
So I am begging the general population, the parents, the administrators, and the activists to recall the days when home economics were taught to all students, and envision a day when all children in Canada, and heck, lets say all of North America, have the basic skills to manage their lives on a day to day basis. A nation where students don’t graduate from high school unable to manage a bank account, and young adults don’t graduate from undergrad still oblivious to the perils of compound interest as it relates to debt. A nation that understands that nutrition involves more than Kraft Dinner and processed grains.
This vision is within our realm of possibilities, I know it is. We have the knowledge, we have the teachers, we have the students, all we need now is the drive to make it a reality.
In my fantasies I am born in a time when common sense is common, and basic education doesn’t have to be fought for. So hop on the rosy glasses bandwagon with me and lets bring back home economics as a core elementary school class, let’s teach those wee little things how to manage their homes and manage their lives, so that when they grow up, they will know how to meet their basic needs. They can feel a little more secure in their daily lives, and their energies can be directed to other more challenging endeavours.
Looking around at the current state of North American culture, it strikes me as abundantly obvious that as a society we are lacking some basic skills in personal life management. In fact, it seems so abundantly obvious that I almost feel like it is redundant to make the case here. However, clearly it is not as obvious to everyone as it is to me, because if it was then this rant would never have arisen in the first place, and sharing it would be entirely unnecessary.
As I scan the surface of North American culture I see a society that is running up huge amounts of personal debt and walking full speed ahead towards a life determined by obesity and its associated health considerations. Basic skills like budgeting, saving, accounting, personal nutrition, and simple cooking seem clearly lacking from dominant culture. All these skills seem to me to be paramount to success—not necessarily to a successful career, but to success in life, to staying afloat, staying alive, and staying healthy. All of these basic skills that they don’t teach you in elementary math, science, or English class, that are pivotal to a successful community and successful country seem to be MIA.
Hence, bring back home economics classes. We have a problem, and we have a decent solution—a curriculum that teaches these skills to the majority of the population at a time in their lives when they can easily be learned and gradually implemented as age appropriate—so why are we busy cutting this sort of education only to spend more money on obesity related health care and other preventable costs? I just do not understand, and I know that I am not alone in this confusion.
So I am begging the general population, the parents, the administrators, and the activists to recall the days when home economics were taught to all students, and envision a day when all children in Canada, and heck, lets say all of North America, have the basic skills to manage their lives on a day to day basis. A nation where students don’t graduate from high school unable to manage a bank account, and young adults don’t graduate from undergrad still oblivious to the perils of compound interest as it relates to debt. A nation that understands that nutrition involves more than Kraft Dinner and processed grains.
This vision is within our realm of possibilities, I know it is. We have the knowledge, we have the teachers, we have the students, all we need now is the drive to make it a reality.
In my fantasies I am born in a time when common sense is common, and basic education doesn’t have to be fought for. So hop on the rosy glasses bandwagon with me and lets bring back home economics as a core elementary school class, let’s teach those wee little things how to manage their homes and manage their lives, so that when they grow up, they will know how to meet their basic needs. They can feel a little more secure in their daily lives, and their energies can be directed to other more challenging endeavours.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Optimizing Life
I fear this entry may sound a little trite and perhaps even painfully obvious to many, but I figure that’s okay, that shouldn’t really deter me, as you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to. So here I go:
Due to various injuries, travel, and plenty of crappy weather, this year my partner and I haven’t hiked as much as we like to. Recently we decided to ease back into things with a spontaneous sunny-weather post-work hike. Having completed a 45min ascent, not yet at the summit but acutely aware of the sun dipping on the horizon, we figured it was time to turn around and head back down. We were a bit miffed that we didn’t make it all the way to the summit, but were enjoying ourselves all the same. So as we were winding our way back down I mentioned that our climb wasn’t so bad, although we didn’t make it to the summit, it was far nicer than being in a gym, and at the very least we got a nice cardio workout going up, and we’re getting a decent strength session on the way down. My partner agreed, paused, and then said “yeah, but if we were in the gym we would have done the strength component first, followed by the cardio, so as to optimize our workout.”
I paused (mentally anyway), and thought on this. Frankly, I was a bit taken aback by the comment, for whatever reason it was one of the last things I imagined as a response. And yet there it was. And there, in the pause it caused, was my epiphany: You can’t optimize nature. You just can’t. You can’t optimize life; it comes the way it comes and that’s all there is to it. I was so enthused a big grin spread across my face. You just can’t optimize life. Why hadn’t I gotten that before?
Now, I don’t mean this in a fatalistic way, not in the slightest. My realization had more to do with understanding, really understanding, that life doesn’t happen in the gym (figuratively speaking), or in any sort of controlled environment. You may know a better or more idealized method for living, or handling a particular situation, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be able to use it. It may not be applicable to the reality of the setting. And at the end of the day, you just can’t optimize that.
I’m not suggesting that we all sit back as passive agents as life just trods along past us. To the contrary. The epiphany wasn’t about that, it was about understanding that you just can’t optimize everything. Life comes the way it comes, and if you accept what it is, you can see more clearly what can be done with it. Optimize your climb, optimize your descent, optimize your company, or optimize your mentality, just don’t waste your time trying to optimize the direction of the mountain, that’s the way nature made it. I’m not saying don’t hope for more, or different, and I’m not saying don’t pack your bags and go find a canyon if that’s what you are actually looking for. I’m saying don’t start digging up the mountain to make it fit your life. Consider what is in the realm of optimization, and what is not. And then act from there.
I know that I’ve had this sort of thought millions of times before, and heard it spoken in myriad different ways, but for some reason the spontaneous way in which it came to me on this day just felt so profound, and so suddenly clear: You can’t optimize life, so just stop trying. Maybe I’m finally understanding the concept of “letting go” (a substantial challenge for a personality like myself). Or perhaps this is what is meant when people say that you should approach life with a “lighter touch.” I’m not entirely sure. But I do feel invigorated by this new perspective. And that my friends, seemed worthy of sharing.
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But hey, I’ve put it out there, and now you can optimize it as you see fitting.
Due to various injuries, travel, and plenty of crappy weather, this year my partner and I haven’t hiked as much as we like to. Recently we decided to ease back into things with a spontaneous sunny-weather post-work hike. Having completed a 45min ascent, not yet at the summit but acutely aware of the sun dipping on the horizon, we figured it was time to turn around and head back down. We were a bit miffed that we didn’t make it all the way to the summit, but were enjoying ourselves all the same. So as we were winding our way back down I mentioned that our climb wasn’t so bad, although we didn’t make it to the summit, it was far nicer than being in a gym, and at the very least we got a nice cardio workout going up, and we’re getting a decent strength session on the way down. My partner agreed, paused, and then said “yeah, but if we were in the gym we would have done the strength component first, followed by the cardio, so as to optimize our workout.”
I paused (mentally anyway), and thought on this. Frankly, I was a bit taken aback by the comment, for whatever reason it was one of the last things I imagined as a response. And yet there it was. And there, in the pause it caused, was my epiphany: You can’t optimize nature. You just can’t. You can’t optimize life; it comes the way it comes and that’s all there is to it. I was so enthused a big grin spread across my face. You just can’t optimize life. Why hadn’t I gotten that before?
Now, I don’t mean this in a fatalistic way, not in the slightest. My realization had more to do with understanding, really understanding, that life doesn’t happen in the gym (figuratively speaking), or in any sort of controlled environment. You may know a better or more idealized method for living, or handling a particular situation, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be able to use it. It may not be applicable to the reality of the setting. And at the end of the day, you just can’t optimize that.
I’m not suggesting that we all sit back as passive agents as life just trods along past us. To the contrary. The epiphany wasn’t about that, it was about understanding that you just can’t optimize everything. Life comes the way it comes, and if you accept what it is, you can see more clearly what can be done with it. Optimize your climb, optimize your descent, optimize your company, or optimize your mentality, just don’t waste your time trying to optimize the direction of the mountain, that’s the way nature made it. I’m not saying don’t hope for more, or different, and I’m not saying don’t pack your bags and go find a canyon if that’s what you are actually looking for. I’m saying don’t start digging up the mountain to make it fit your life. Consider what is in the realm of optimization, and what is not. And then act from there.
I know that I’ve had this sort of thought millions of times before, and heard it spoken in myriad different ways, but for some reason the spontaneous way in which it came to me on this day just felt so profound, and so suddenly clear: You can’t optimize life, so just stop trying. Maybe I’m finally understanding the concept of “letting go” (a substantial challenge for a personality like myself). Or perhaps this is what is meant when people say that you should approach life with a “lighter touch.” I’m not entirely sure. But I do feel invigorated by this new perspective. And that my friends, seemed worthy of sharing.
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But hey, I’ve put it out there, and now you can optimize it as you see fitting.
Welcome back
Right, well, the blog took an accidental hiatus for April as I got swept up in the technicalities of a different project. But I missed the blog, and we’ll just go on ahead and anthropomorphize the blog and say that it missed me too (aww, isn’t that sweet? I feel so loved and attended to).
So, with that out in the open, let’s start with a little “welcome back” (Welcome back!) and then ease ourselves back into the perilous terrain of my mind... careful not to trip now, there’s a big ol’ thought lying in the middle of the path there.
So, with that out in the open, let’s start with a little “welcome back” (Welcome back!) and then ease ourselves back into the perilous terrain of my mind... careful not to trip now, there’s a big ol’ thought lying in the middle of the path there.
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