Big Dream Little Dream

I was taught to dream big. Not so much taught as modelled I suppose, modelled and encouraged, but all the same, the dream big perspective took root in me. I do believe that in a great many ways this is a good thing, among other things it gave me a lot of hope and insight into a world of possibilities for my own future, and for the world’s future. But in some ways I think it was also a little smidge of a hindrance.

You see, sometimes when you dream big the task/goal/dream itself can seem so big and so far flung that it feels exactly like what it is, a dream. Something rooted in the imaginary. Sure, it may well be possible, but if a big dream is so, well, dreamy, it may feel rooted in something other than the reality of who and what I (or anyone) is. This is not to say that such a dream cannot be achieved, simply that such a dream runs the risk of teetering over the edge of motivating vision, and falling into the abyss of fantastical fantasies to visit in a moment of escapist glee.

So these days I am trying something radical; I am practicing dreaming small. I am trying to let go of the grand notions of what my life could look like, and start looking at what it is, and what my dreams are for my life in the now. What do I want for my life when I let go of all my values about success, my perceptions of expectations, my desire to fulfill most all possibilities, and the big dream future. What does my life look like when I think no one is watching, and no one cares (myself included) about how big I make it?

I hear that some people live like this by default, some people have no trouble at all living their lives, going about their business, likely not thinking big or small, not really thinking at all. And for them, learning to dream big would probably be of the utmost value. But I was never one of those people, I’ve always been the thinker, the planner, the plan B-er, the steps-to-success person. And now, now I’m wondering what happens if I think less, dream within my daily reality, and settle in to my present tense a little more. Might such a shift in perspective lead to a happier or more peaceful life?

So I am giving it a go. I am trying to shake the big dream and try something different for myself. I’m challenging myself to let go of my “big” and see what happens when I embrace the historically-ignored “small.” (I suppose I could argue that in some ways I’m trying to dream even bigger here, by pushing myself to dream smaller, to think in a way that is not natural for me, but I’m afraid if I walk myself down that route I may just wander innocently, and obliviously, into a catch-22, never to be seen again...)

And so, with that, I am learning to dream small, to think small, to start thinking about the little things I want for my life, to wrap my head around the idea of being ordinary, doing nothing extraordinary with my life at all. To live as if there were no expectations or boundaries for me, to toss my constructs overboard, and to see what comes of this risky-feeling action. It is an interesting experience, and I am starting to feel that it may well end up creating more room for the extraordinary. As if, by letting go of my expectations, big dreams, and random goals I am leaving space to act, to try new things, and to create the extraordinary out of my ordinary. By not filling all the voids of myself with big fluffy socially- or personally-appropriate dreams, I am creating the necessary space to play with what my life has to offer.

It may or may not work, but hey, I’m branching out. I am trying to be quietly bold, to explore a different way of life. I figure that life, in its own short way, is long (if things go accordingly), so we might as well explore what it has to offer, what I have to offer, while we carry on along the journey.